Yesterday I had an online meeting with my new psychiatrists. Given my background of being taught to sweep mental health issues under the rug it was a bit hard, but I was able to stand up and speak out about what I was dealing with. I opened up and told my new psychiatrist everything that had happened since the last time that I had seen my old psychiatrist. For years I had been taught a lie by some people online that were running a group that made claims that they were "helping broken people". I'm not going to name names but they were of the belief that taking meds was akin to sorcery because of the way the Greek word "pharmakei" is translated. Needlessly to say I look back at the whole situation including everything else that was going on and realized that I had been duped by a narcissist that did not have my best interest at heart. I managed to leave the group and returned to the church and the people that loved me so much, but it's just now that God is starting to put the pieces back together.
Recently, given the fact that since I made the decision with my doctor to go nomeds in 2021 did not work and a lot of my symptoms from the OCD and anxiety were coming back, I decided to reconnect with my old psychiatrist. Unfortunately, he was not taking patients but at the same time I was able to connect with another doctor that is doing just as good a job. And I realized that it is God's hand taking care of me.
God knows that I am dealing fears and that I deal with struggles but reading Psalms I have come to understand that King David dealt with a lot of these same struggles. Israel was constantly under attack from her enemies and David was dealing with sexual temptation from Bathsheba and being a king and a leader especially given the fact that he had to deal with the Philistines and a couple other tribes.
I read the parts where David cried out of God. Why have you forsaken me? Why have you thrown me aside? Where are you? I hear a lot of that when I read the Psalms. I have gone through the same questions at times, wondering where God was, why was God not curing some of the conditions that I had, did I not have enough faith? Was I going to hell? You might say that I was going through a bit of deconstruction. But I know that God's love is unconditional and that I don't have to earn it. And a lot of times God uses situations that seem bad for his greater good.
Today I am so thankful because I understand that God uses psychiatrists and psychologists and doctors and calls on us to listen to them and to obey them. I have an appointment coming up with my medical doctor and with my counselor coming. I know that there are areas of my life including what I eat that I could stand to get better with. Sometimes I get tempted to have that cookie with my lunch. Sometimes I will have a Snickers bar. You know what they say. Snickers is good when you're not going anywhere lol. Bit of humor that's an old commercial. But seriously I know that I need to watch my sugar levels especially with Easter coming up. And I know it's going to come up when i see my doctor. I know that God will help me through this and that he will help me with some of my eating habits I mean he already has been working through things with me. I know sweets every now and then are ok but everything in moderation as well because I want that good report from my doctor.
But that's what doctors and dentists are there for right? To help us to stay healthy.
God bless you guys.
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