This morning I did some reading on Rejection Dysphoria which is very common with people who deal with ADHD which is one of the things that i am diagnosed with. I do have a very hard time taking criticism from other people or dealing with persecution and bullying of any kind. A lot of times thinking that I am being rejected will sometimes trigger off Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and irrational fears which is another thing that I am diagnosed with
The Amygdala controls fight or flight reactions in the brain and the way that we handle stress. In people with OCD ADHD Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder the amygdala works very differently which is one reason why sometimes you see these conditions all being diagnosed together.
Knowing what it is gives me peace. Knowing that it's something that I can't help, that it has to do with brain wiring is something that gives me a lot of people.
I know that God is there and that God is always working and that God is always walking with me. There's a really good worship song that was written by a Nigeran woman named Sinach called Waymaker and I know that like the words of the song He never stops working and I know that He has a plan even when I don't see it or necessarily understand it.
Recently I felt led to apply for a second shift position working with Hope Network as a Peer Support Counselor. I did an interview with this company and have not heard back from them yet but I am trusting that God's best will happen. If this particular door does not open up then there will be another door that will open that noone will be able to shut. And that God is always good no matter what.
Recently I read an article on OCD. I am coming to realize that some of the irrational fears and intrusive thoughts that I have dealt with come from OCD, for instance these disturbing fears that I may end up homeless or that I may lose everything through a lawsuit, God is all I have to hold on to sometimes when I go through these irrational fears. But understanding that they are the product of mental illness and that it's not something that I can control this gives me a lot of peace.
We all deal with that thorn in the flesh. Paul dealt with one and he wrote about it in second corinthians. We don't know what the thorn was but many times we go through trials so that we can lean into God and depend on His Grace. We are not promised an easy life. Knowing that I can wake up and that I have a Loving Father in Jesus that I can talk to about things that are going on in my life is what gets me through.
A friend and church leader was encouraging me to wake up and just give everything to God and to lay everything at his feet and we were talking about that this morning. And believe me that I have a lot to lay down. But everytime I do talk to him and just give it to Him I do feel his Peace coming over me.
Recently I learned of a woman walking through the trials of OCD that is an author of several books regarding her walk with Jesus in the midst of trials named Sarah Clarkson. I am really thinking about getting ahold of and reading this book. It's about finding beauty in the middle of mental illness.
These fears about being on the street and being homeless and ending up in jail I know they are irrational and I know that this is not the first time that I have dealt with them. I dealt with them when I was going through high school and back then listening to some quiet organ music would really help me. The next step to overcoming the Rejection Dysphoria from ADHD is to find the right medication to treat it and fortunately there are several.
I am hopeful. I remain hopeful. With God's plan His will is going to be done. He will lay down the right path for me. He knows my desire is to overcome and thankfully I have a good counselor through Pine Rest, a mental health organization here in GR, that is helping me to practice coping strategies.
May God bless and keep all of you.
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