The other day I went over to a friend's house for the Super Bowl. We ate and watched the superbowl and I sucked down a couple of glasses of Kool-Aid. My friend had a buddy of his over and that buddy is dating a gal that used to live around the corner from me in some rental units. He asked me how I was doing. I told him that I was doing better than I used to be doing.
Back years ago I was trapped in trauma. I mean I was smoking cigarettes on a regular basis to numb the pain, numerous suicide attempts, cutting, I was dealing with a ton of pain at that point in my life and a lot of it came from a background where I was picked on for being different, just because I had autism and struggled with OCD and other things. When I was in high school I was made fun of by some of the other kids and also misunderstood even by family members. Some of them come from a generation that was taught that mental illness and developmental conditions were something that was dealt with by the state and there was not such thing as "community mental health" back then.
The pain that I carried from stigma consumed me for years. The tears, the anger, the hurt. But the amazing thing is how God has been working. God has put people in my life to encourage me and lead me closer to Him including a counselor that has been helping me to develop coping mechanisms for dealing with some of the PTSD. And when I told that guy during the super bowl that I was doing better I meant it. Even though I still struggle I have been trusting God and letting God heal my heart and heal my soul as well. And he has put a passion on my heart to go and help others be there for others and minister to others as well.
Part of the healing is finding forgiveness for those who have hurt me. Bullying is wrong and sometimes it comes from false assumptions that people are taught when they hear the word "autism" or "OCD" or Tourettes or any such words. The stigma is there and it can be extremely painful. It's only now that God is really starting to heal me from the past. This morning the service was about how God uses those that are at the end of themselves, who have nothing to offer, to advance His Kingdom. I realize that there are still things that I struggle with. For a long time I was addicted to pornography but lately I've been learning to give that up to God. Having a faith family have a church family means everything because I know they have my back and that they love me tons. A church basically is a group of broken people that are seeking Jesus and that are helping each other along in their faith walk.
One thing with people with OCD is that when we go though obsessive thoughts a lot of times we are seeking reassurance that those things are not going to happen. This has happened to me over the years in various forms. With scrupulosity OCD it might have to do with religious fears. With what's called responsibility OCD it might have to do with fear that someone is all of the sudden going to sue you out of nowhere for every penny you have because you said something wrong or did something wrong. These things can be extremely painful.
I do believe that God can bring healing directly and that he can also help people through medications. I for a long time went to counseling groups at an Anxiety Resource Center downtown. I got to meet others that deal with OCD agorophobia and people that deal with generalized anxiety disorder and even a few people that have dealt with autism. Being involved with others who are going through some of the same things is so therapeutic. I made some genuine friends through this group and got to know other people that also deal with struggles.
Finally I wanted to talk about some of the warning signs that someone may be suicidal. Extreme Depression and self-hate are not to be taken lightly. Years back there would be times before I would go through a PTSD attack where i would have my heads in my hands. I would be going through extreme feelings of worthlessness and pain. I was taught to cover these things up growing up and to just say that I'm OK or just to shut up about it. But there are signs that a person is not OK. For instance, withdrawal, head down, if you see signs a person has been crying. slash marks of any kind on the wrists, these are things to look out for speaking as one who has been there.
Many people will make comments about mental health that come from a background of not knowing or not understanding or what has been passed down to them from parents or what not. Knowledge is power. I can never say that enough and that was promoted on all the TV and Cartoon shows including GI Joe growing up that knowing is half the battle. Being able to read someone is crucial. And it's so important to stand up when you see someone else who is a target of bullying. Sometimes it's very subtle and could be coming from well meaning people in someone's life, but it's still a form of bullying never the less. I have seen countless people with developmental disabilities that have talked about how their family members don't understand them or are acting condescending or demeaning.
I write about this as one who has been through it and doesn't want to see it happen to anyone else. My advice to people is to do the research before you jump to judgement on things
God bless.
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