His Timing and His Way and not my way.

I will admit I'm ready to learn the proper way to grade Macbooks.  I know that it's done a bit differently from Chrome and I know it will take a while to get it down.  But at the same time I see the goal and the objective and I can't wait to get certified on working on Macbooks and working on Phones, which are two departments within our company which refurbishes computers and resells them.  

For the time being I have been doing hardware testing for a friend of mine and helping him to get to rate grading Chromebooks.   Waiting is tough,   Trusting Gods timing and trusting that things will work out according to his will can be very tough sometimes.   But at the same time I am learning to just enjoy the ride and be goofy along the way with my family of coworkers.  

I was tested again today.   I received a call from Hope Network and they want to set up an interview for a possible job as a peer support specialist, which is something that I've wanted to do for years.  I know God's plans are the best plans and God knows the desires of my heart, that I want to go out there and support others that are walking through the fires of trauma, mental illness, addiction, you name.   God loves these and he's put a passion on my heart for struggling folks

   

I have to trust in what he is going to do and that it is going to be for the best. From doing a brief phone interview I learned that basically I need to have PTSD and OCD under control to be able to do this job.  Today it hit very hard.  I was working and all of the sudden I just wanted to cry because the pain of some of the anxiety just washed over me.  It felt like certain family members were yelling at me and putting me down all over again.  And that I was back in their presence.  At the same time I had always been taught to hide it.   That if I talked about it and lost my job that I would be an embarrassment to the family and would be ostracized.  But I need to start speaking up as well about what I am going through because there are others that need to hear what I've been through and know that there's hope.  

I just wanted to be quiet about it.  I didn't dare talk about my feelings or what was going on because there was so much fear going on.  But really the best way to deal with this is to focus on who you are in Christ.  That you are loved, you are forgiven, that you are His Child.  I know all these things.   And just like Romans says nothing can ever seperate me from the love of God in Jesus Christ.  Ever.  He is always there walking through the trials, the tribulations, and the pain.  

I also look forward to spring and I look forward to my mom coming back north to Indiana for the summer and spending time with her and my stepdad.   I know that God has great things coming in my life and I can't wait to see what he does.  There are all kinds of pieces to the puzzle, I am for one working towards certification as a Peer Mentor (which is another type of Peer Support Job for people with developmental disabilities).   

And I know when I go through things like I went through today, when I deal with trauma, that God is by my side and is walking with me.   

Blessings my friends and know that you are not alone.