This morning I was able to get together with our men's prayer group at our church and was able to just talk and have breakfast and pray with them. Having this group in my life is invaluable.
Growing up with autism and OCD I was frequently misunderstood. I have carried the weight from being bullied and being misunderstood for a long time. But being able to talk with this bunch about some of PTSD and the fact that I am getting counseling for it means everything.
Thursday I woke up and was overly tired and I was racing to try and find out exactly what was going on. I took my temperature thinking that it was COVID but it was not. I did a little research and narrowed it down and finally figured out that it's a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Trauma and it's effects on a person can wear a person down to the point where it results in fatigue and exhaustion.
I know God is there and that he is walking through this and that he has a battle plan to use this for good. There are verses in Romans particularly Romans 8 that say that nothing can ever seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.
There are some times where I get so trapped in anxiety and depression and such that I become unlovable. Romans 8 is pretty much what keeps me going. Doing things that I love doing help as well. Sometimes I will spend time with a game. Talking to my two best friends in the world helps a lot as well. Talking to church family and praying with them is a must.
God knows I desire the fellowship of a great woman in my life. I know that he has a plan for this and I have to be patient and I have to wait on his timing and His Will to be done in my life. Paul advised contentment in whatever situation I am dealing with. Honestly it's hard to be content when I am dealing with anxiety OCD or anything else. But we have a choice. We can either let negative thoughts consume us or we can choose to focus on what is good what is lovely what is true and what is right.
A friend of mine chooses to look at the silver lining in the clouds in a lot of situations and I realize that I need to do the same thing. We have the same counselor that is teaching us coping mechanisms. Mine are going out with my pastor for coffee (which is was able to do yesterday), getting immersed in a good book or game, and most of all and first and foremost waking up and spending time with Jesus first thing in the morning. For years coming out of years in the Catholic church I thought it was about works and rituals and traditions. But the truth is it's all about Relationship. God created us, loves us, has a plan for us, and he wants to be our Loving Father and embrace us in his arms.
I love the folks that I work with as well. I love Robin and Bianca and Charlie and so many others, they have really become like a big part of my family! I come into work and get to hang out with Benny and Zack and so many others and get to work on computers which is one of my passions. I've been tinkering with computers since I was hatched basically.
I have a choice, I can choose to focus on the past or I can look to Jesus and let him embrace and change me.
God bless all of you.
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