I woke up this morning and look back at this summer and where I have come from and I have to give glory to God for what he has done and where he has brought me.
I was a mess for years. PTSD, self medicating with alcohol and nicotine and energy drinks, yet the whole time God was there and never gave up on me. I was explosive and afraid of what if someone yelled at me, what would happened if I had disappointed my family. I was dealing with the what ifs, and it was a mix of obsessions, compulsions, and trauma from way back.
But in the middle of all this I have to say God is good. He has been starting to chip away at the trauma directly, and he's also hooked me up with a counselor that I know is going to help me. My next appointment with my counselor is going to be on Monday and it's going to be in person for the first time. I am looking forward to finally getting a diagnosis of CPTSD so that I can start getting treatment. I know that my counselor will probably refer me to a psychiatrist who deals with both PTSD and OCD. Both of them have combined at times to make it so that it was impossible for me to just live my life.
OCD would get me caught up in the whatifs and then that would trigger off the PTSD episodes. This morning I woke up and could feel God's peace and thanksgiving all over me. I have come to understand that I am not alone in this walk and that He has a plan and that he's going to take me to some great places and he's going to open doors for me to help and bless a lot of people, but first he's refining and preparing me.
OCD is life disrupting and it can affect people's work performance, especially if they have to do jobs where they constantly have to focus. I was watching a video of a woman that was talking about how OCD was driving her life but after starting treatment and getting the meds she needed she still had OCD and it transitioned over to being a back seat driver.
I am thankful that this is the case with me. OCD is transitioning over to being a backseat driver in my life. Since I have realized what it is and that God is walking with me through it I don't have the fear that I once had. And my company and the people that work there have been SOO supportive of me and there has been no judgement but only compassion and understanding. Same with PTSD related stuff.
Recently our company started working with Be Nice of West Michigan which has an aim of teaching people about mental health awareness. With everything going on in the world today there needs to be more of this, there needs to be help available for people who suffer. When a person is dealing with an anxiety disorder or a mental illnesss it puts them on shut down and they are barely able to function. The worst thing a person can do is label someone crazy or out of their mind. What needs to happen is that people need to sit with a person and ask the questions What's going on? How Can I help and be a friend? And most of all let them know that they are not alone and that they have people around them that care about them. Let them know that "Im here with you through this". Not words like "Your nuts" or "What is your problem?" or "Jackass" or anything like that. Because that is going to lead a person closer to suicide and closer to wanting to take their life and that will only feed the anxiety.
There have been times when I myself have been close to death, close to suicide, and it's just people wanting to understand and pray with me that have led me away from suicide and hurting myself. Many who have come out of hard backgrounds deal with guilt and shame and hurt and this is what is controlling their minds. A desire to get away from the pain. They feel that they are never going to be able to do anything right. A lot of times all they are hearing is their abusers voice.
If someone is hurting first we need to see the signs. We need to see that they are not themselves. We need to see that there are changes in their behavior IE becoming quieter or more depressed or combative. In the case of OCD and PTSD, well when someone has a PTSD flashback they are stuck in what's called survival mode and all they hear in their brains is the voice of the person that abused them in whatever way or they will be reliving the event. By no means leave them alone. The best thing to do is just sit with them, be with them. I have had these episodes before and I know when I have them that I tend to dissociate with what is going on around me because all I hear is just the voices of the people from that Supported Independent home that I lived in for a year and a half or of Rob, the angry man that I worked with for almost 10 years.
So ask the questions. Try to find ways to just be there for them in the moment and to get them the help that they so desperately need. Don't go charging in with judgement.
Be blessed.
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